In the meeting this afternoon, my stalker was present as was his friend. I walked into the room and the only free seat happened to be next to him so I walked round, he stood up (imagine my shock when it turns out he is only 2-3 inches taller than me), I shook his hand then sat down. He asked if I was free for coffee, I said no. He asked if I was free for dinner, I said no. He asked if I was sure if I couldn’t meet for a coffee.  I said no, I am busy. Then he emailed me another youtube link. I don’t really understand why he sends me this or what the meaning is.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting in my living room looking out the window when a Pakistani guy pulls up in his old Merc, takes two broken drawers out his boot and lef them by the tree outside my house. He then went into the house opposite (which is crazily divided up into about five flights - not sure how that works since it was originally a three bedroom house). So I went outside, took a photo of his registration, put his broken drawers against his car door then went for a walk.

When I came back thirty minutes later, he had gone and there was no sign of the broken drawers. What a horrible man. I hope he learnt his lesson not to litter streets again.

This evening when I got home from work, I checked under the kitchen counter like I do every day and I saw that the mouse trap had moved 90′ and the spider is now missing apart from two of it’s legs!

Since the mouse managed to avoid one snap trap and three glue traps all along the kitchen counter, I am assuming it is some kind of super mouse. Hopefully it’s not a rat. Just you wait til I get my hands on you little one.

Mr Mean said that within six months of him graduating, he will be ready to get married and have a family, so that means he will be ready to do this by December next year. But given that Meryl Lynch have just been taken over by Bank of America, Lehman Brothers went bust and HBOS in talks of a take over by Lloyds, I am not so sure that Mr Means hard work for his MBA at INSEAD will help him get a good job next year and he will end up on the dole, I will be the main bread winner and because my loft conversion crippled me financially, I will be stuck working a 50 hour week and have no money to pay for a wedding dress and no time to have a baby.

I asked Mr Mean about this and he said don’t worry but I am not convinced.

According to the Foxtons website, my naked neighbour has an en suite bathroom in his bedroom. I honestly don’t know a) how they managed to get his rooms look so much bigger than mine when they are actually the same (perhaps they used a weird camera as this door looks as though it’s fit for a giant to pass through) and b) why does he give me a peep show and shower in the main bathroom every evening when he has an ensuite in his bedroom? He obviously wants me to watch him.

Last week I went to a meeting in Germany and someone in the room sent me an email. It took me awhile to figure out who it was but judging from the grins from the guy opposite, I think I guessed right. We sent two emails back and forth then he sent me a mail last Saturday which is just plain creepy. Let’s hope I don’t get stuck with him in the same room by myself.

I bought a second hand Linksys WRT54GX router two months ago and am having problems with the wireless connection dropping. So I logged a support call with them. I went through some configuration changes with the guy. After about four support calls, they told me that the router is faulty and needs to be replaced. But apparently my serial is not valid because it is 10 digits long and Linksys routers are twelve digits long. The guy asked me about ten times “please check the bottom of the router and read out the serial nu7mber, it is twelve digits long”. I replied with, it is the same as the first time. So eventually they agreed that I send them a photo as proof. So I sent them a photo of the serial number and the front of the router. But still no they cannot help me as the serial number is not valid.

I asked them if they believe I have a fake router which they said “serial numbers are twelve digits long”. Well mine is not. And because of this, they cannot support me. So it turns out that Linksys are just as crap as Sitecom. How can they not have a log of the serial number even after I have sent them a photo? Whatever happened to good customer service?

A few evenings ago, I went to the Fishworks Marylebone restaurant for dinner with a friendl. We managed to get through a main course and dessert with tea and coffee. Just as I started to drink my tea, the manager came over and asked us to leave within two minutes as the table was required back. I know they said on the booking form that table turnaround is 1.45 hours but come on, give us a little notice please. So I asked him to bring the bill over and we will be on our way. The food came to £40 and they had added an £8 tip. The cheek of it and given the poor service and the fact they had written “a 12.5% disrectionary tip has been aeeded to your bill” (since when is £8 12.5% of £40, more like 20%), we left £45 cash, handed the waitress the money then left.

We stood outside the restaurant for about two minutes looking at the fish in the window at which point the waitress ran out with our bill and money in her hand, looked up and down the street, looked at us, looked up and down the street again, then walked back in.  I assume she was looking for us because she had our bill and cash in her hand. However since she was so blind that she didn’t realise we were standing right in front of her, she didn’t deserve the tip in the first place. Even £5 was too much for us to leave given we were literally thrown out.

What a rubbish restaurant. I actually liked the place and this was my third visit but unless they give me a free meal after I emailed via their website and wrote them a letter in the post to them to complain, I won’t be going again.

Bastards!! They ruined my meal. Also the crab was crap.  And they put sardines in the bowl of olives side dish I ordered. Also none of their teapots that they serve tea in come with lids as apparently “we had five but someone stole them all”.

This morning on my way in to work, I was happily driving along the A1 in the left hand lane at 60mph like I do every morning. Then a white van suddenly came up behind very close and started flashing his lights. I flashed back like I did on Monday. He flashed some more so I breaked a little. He flashed some more, eventually over took, pulled agressively in front of me, baked, then drive off.

I don’t understand why he was flashing so much when he was driving behind me. It’s not like I had anywhere to go since I was already in the left hand lane and we were just passing a junction where cars were pulling into the lane so I couldn’t speed up even if I wanted to.

Unfortunately my Blackberry camera is so crap that I couldn’t get his number plate otherwise I would have posted it all over the internet.

But I do wonder that every day this week someone has beeped at me. I must be doing something wrong but I honestly can’t work out what.

This morning, I was happily driving along in the left hand lane at 60mph (the speed limit is 70mph but my car doesn’t like this). The road in front of me was empty yet the right hand lane was full and cars were braking. What’s wrong with the left hand lane? I see so many cars pull out onto a road then straight into the middle lane even though the road in front of them is clear. What’s up with this? I always “undertake” without speeding as I hate these people. Why should I traverse two lanes, overtake, then traverse two lanes back because they are driving like a moron?

Yesterday on the way in to work, a white van was driving so close to me that I couldn’t see his tyres in my rear view window. I slowed down a bit by taking my foot off the accelerator (not breaking) then flashed him with my rear. He backed off a bit after that. Then further along I signalled to move into the right lane, saw there was a car about 20m away, and thought it was safe to do so, He suddenly speeds up and beeps at me. After over taking a car, I moved back into the left lane and continued at the speed limit. About five minutes later I caught up with the bearded guy who seemed to be driving at erratic speeds +- the speed limit by about 10mph.

Then this morning when I left for work, I left a polite note on this car outside my house asking if he could park closer to the tree next time as this space fits two cars and I am sure he finds it as difficult as I do to park my car so it helps when cars are parked efficiently. When I got home, the note was gone but the car is still here. There are two offenders in my road who park in this manor, this car and the girl opposite with the black Polo. Everyone else is ok. Is it really that difficult to be considerate of others? I feel like taking an iron bar and smacking his car with it.

Since Mr Mean left just over a week ago, we have only spoken three times on the phone as he has got so much study to do. He also got a parking fine due to some freaky French law where you have to park on the opposite side of the road on the 1st and 15th of each month.

Poor Mr Mean, he is so stressed out. Apparently most people have to live in 5 hours sleep for the first six months due to the workload. I really want to support him but honestly don’t know how to. I told him only call me when he has time, I don’t mind if it’s only 2-3 times per week. What else can I do?

I spent today going round 4 different tile shops trying to find something I liked for my new bathroom. My requirements are: big, shiny, pale colour eg beige with the same tiles for the floor and walls. However I could not find anything remotely like this. I don’t think my requirements are that obscure.

Then onto flooring. I can’t decided between solid oak, bamboo or engineered oak. Engineered oak feels cheap, especially the stuff my neighbour has got. Solid oak warps in places where the temperature fluctuates a lot so no good for a loft. And the bamboo flooring only comes in 15mm thick which is not very soundproof.

Why is it so difficult to find something just right? I haven’t even set a budget. Even the £50/m stuff is crap.

I went to Sainsbury’s last night and bought some lamb chops. When it came to using them today, I had to give them a good wash because they had lots of sharp bone stuck in them. I slow roasted it with lots of garlic and vegetables. It was nice but not as good as the lamb I had in Budapest last week at Klassz. I am really into lamb at the moment but won’t be buying the Sainsbury’s stuff again. It just doesn’t taste right. I thought about going to the local farmers market and paying £20/kg but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. So on Monday I will be going to Costco where it is the same price as Sainsbury’s of £5/kg but much much tastier.

After the mouse which I caught in February and the one I found dead in a trap in June, I have caught a third mouse. Apparently this is called an infestation. So I called the council but they want £85 to come and place poison down. I am not really keen on this as I don’t want the mouse eating poison, eating my food then crawling into a hole to die somewhere. So I have left lots of wax strips where I think they are coming from and will hopefully catch anymore before they eat the rest of my crisps.

Unfortunately this little one met it’s death when a broomstick fell on its head.

The time has finally come to say good bye to Mr Mean for awhile. With classes every day 8am - 5pm six days per week, I do not think that we will have much opportunity to see each other or speak on the phone. Since he reassures me that next year he will be ready to get married (although he did not say who to), I have decided to leave him be and not pressure him into seeing or speaking to me. He will be very busy studying lots “in order to provide a good future for his wife and children”.

On the way back, I bought three boxes of fine French chocolats to cheer myself up. A box of Frederic Cassel which were ridiculously expensive at 30 Euros for 350g, a 500g box of no brand for 27 Euros and a box of my favorite Neuhaus at 17 Euros for 350g. I have only had ten so far of the Frederic Cassel but so far I am not impressed. Who the hell puts sesame seed and cardamon in chocolate?

Mr Mean and I arrived quite late in Fontainebleau last night and we were taken straight to a party. So many people to meet. There is also another party tonight in a chateau in Villecerf. One thing that Mr Mean pointed out is that there are no fat or ugly ones out of the 450 people here. Mr Mean things that it is an unwritten rule that people who do MBA’s at top business schools must be presentable ie not fat and not ugly.

Today I went to see the doctor as my bladder was feeling worse.  I described my problem and he asked if I was a doctor as I sound like I know what I am talking about. I said no. He took a sample and said I have a minor infection, gave me some drugs and sent me on my merry way. So hopefully I will be fixed soon but I hope to get to try out this first. Hopefully Mr Mean won’t break me again.

Two weeks after Mr Mean returned to me, he is off again. Tonight we are driving to Fontainebleau as classes at INSEAD start on Monday. After much rushing around this week, a fully packed car, Mr Means friends car breaking down so he needs us to take some of his stuff, we will finally be on our way. It turns out that another guy I used to work with in Bristol is also on the course. What a small world it is.

This morning my mum called me to arrange to meet at my grans tomorrow. Mr Mean told me a few days ago that he needs some more pants. Knowing that my mum keeps a stash of new pants and socks in her cupboards from the M&S sales, I asked if she had any in size M. She said yes so I asked her to bring a pack for Mr Mean.

When I got off the phone, Mr Mean got anoyed as he doesn’t like me talking to anyone else about his pants. I don’t understand what the problem is? My mum had some new ones in her cupboard so instead of me going out to buy him a new pack and spending more money, I got some which were already bought.

This evening I managed to get a table at Gordon Ramsey’s Petrus restaurant. Since it was a very special occassion with it being Mr Means birthday and him getting into business school we thought we would go out and celebrate as we have never been to a restaurant before where you have to wear a suit. But this morning Mr Mean said he was not feeling well at all and he has a runny nose so doesn’t want to go to a posh restaurant while he is ill.

So I called Petrus to cancel but they don’t have any more vacancies before Mr Mean leaves next week. Instead we went to Spicy Basil which was actually quite nice. Cheap halal food (a meat dish with rice for £5) which is on display and cooked in front of you and not full of gloopy preservatives like normal Chinese food.

Never mind about Gordon Ramsey, I am sure we will find an even better restaurant in France like the fantastic Le Moulin De Ponceau in Chartres that we went to in June that was only 64 Euros for two incwine for Mr Mean and one of the best meals outI have ever had. This place is an hour away from where Mr Mean will be living so hopefully we will get to go again someday soon.

This evening I was driving home from work and went round a roundabout which had three sets of traffic lights (one pedestrian) within a space of about 20m. I wasn’t paying attention properly to the last pedestrian lights and went past went it was red.  Then a police car comes up behind me and puts his siren on. I slow down tolet him overtake. He slows down too. So I stopped and pulled over. He asked if he knew why he stopped me. I told him sorry, I wasn’t paying attention properly and I went through the red. Then the woman on his wakie takie recieted the name of everyone on my insurance policy and also my parents address (not sure how they got that as the car was registered at my London address). He said as this was my first offence and I was honest he would let me off the three points and £50 fine. So I was extremely lucky today.

Then on the rest of the journey home there was a guy driving behind me for ten minutes driving with one hand and holding a mobile to his head with the other. That made me angry.

So from now on I will do my best to pay attention to traffic lights and  other felonies.

On Friday evening Mr Mean came home really late at 2am (he was supposed to go out with me but turned me down at the last minute and went out with his brother instead). He was in the mood. I was tired so I just obliged let him get on with it. As I was not in the mood, I wasn’t quite ready so I made him stop as it hurt because he was so drunk it took him ages. And now I feel like I need to pee all the time.

I called up NHS direct as I thought maybe I had a bladder infection. I explained the problem and asked if Mr Mean broke me. The woman said if there was no pain or other symptoms then it’s not an infection and I am probably justa bit swollen as Mr Mean was so rough. The woman also asked am I sure I am not pregnant because your bladder feeling full and your area being a bit swollen but no pain is a sign of that. I said no I can’t be because Flo has ben twice since Mr Mean and I last did it. I hope I am not one of those women who is pregnant and still gets normal periods. Also my boobs haven’t gotten any bigger so I can’t be. It should go away in a few days but if I am still having problems then to go back in a week. What with this and my bird problem making a brief re-appearance two weeks ago and Flow coming a week early, I am not having much luck these days down there.

This afternoon, me, my mum and Stu took Z to the natural history museum. I asked if she had a boyfriend at school and she said yes, he’s called Riley and he’s a muslim apparently (which I find quite strange for a five year old to say). I asked if she kisses him and holds his hand and she said yes. I asked if her mum knew and she said no because when she told her mum, she smacked her and told her she’s not allowed a boyfriend.

Then Z came over to my house where Mr Mean was. She gave him a cuddle and a kiss when he came into the kitchen even though the last time she saw him she was only six months old. Then she wanted to spend the rest of the day with him drawing pictures and being in the same room as him. I think it’s really nice that Z likes Mr Mean.

So Mr Mean came back last night from Cyprus. This morning he calls me up and tells me he has to leave again in two weeks because he got into a business school. I am very happy for him because he was on the waiting list for two top schools since February. Finally he got the call from INSEAD telling him he is in and can he come to France as classes start in 25th August. So, back last night and leaving again already.

I asked Mr Mean if that means he is getting married at next year and he said quite possibly. So I asked if when I go to Pakistan in December for my cousins wedding, I should get my wedding dress made for me. He said I could do but he doesn’t want people asking lots of questions about why I am getting a wedding dress made.

Last year I bought a Sitecom router because the previous one only had one antenna. Well one year on and it has stopped working. I can only pick up a wireless signal if I am in the same room. I called up Sitecom since they advertise a ten year guarantee. The guy on the phne said it sounds like the antenna is broken. But as I don’t have the original receipt they can’t help me. I asked what about the serial number? But no, they cannot help me. So I asked him if I should just through it in the bin. He said as I don’t have a receipt then there is nothing to do.

So there you go. Sitecome offer a ten year guarantee but only if you keep the receipt. That’s pretty crap. You would have thought that they can tell how old the product is from the serial number like most companies.

So never again will I buy a Sitecom product. It’s back to Linksys and Netgear for me.

Three months on and I am no closer to finding a plumber who will actually get back to me on a price to fit the only horizontal cyclinder on the market, the Telford Tempest (which my neighbour has and is very happy with) and which are also ridiculously expensive. So I have given up on that idea and decided to go with the Vailant ecoTEC Plus 937 which is suitable for 3/4 bedroom houses with two bathrooms and one ensuite or the Vailant ecoTEC Exclusive, suitable for the larger property. But why do all plumbers who I call up seem to want to put a hot water cyclinder in my house?

Sure, you can only run one shower at once but to be honest, in the past year and a half, even with two bathrooms and four of us in the house, there has not once been a situation where both bathrooms have been used simultaneously.

So against the advice of Mr Mean and all four plumbers I have spoken to, I have decided to get a combi boiler as I hate hot water tanks. After all I know best.

I went to see my naked neighbour today, mainly to collect my new Jones shoes which were delivered to him today as I was not in, but also to drop off my loft plans as he asked for a copy. He made another comment about where my window will face. I did say that the main bedroom will be facing the garden but my bathroom will face his house so I will be able to see into his loft, although the bathroom will be frosted glass. Whilst he did say so directly, I don’t think he liked this so I will have to have a think about what to do here to protect his privacy. I thought about telling him I already see him naked everytime he has a shower but I thought best keep quiet about that.

I also asked how’s it going with the new baby. He hesitated a bit and said they came home yesterday, he was born just over a week ago. I didn’t ask what was wrong as I don’t want to be a nosey neighbour.

Then I  went to see my other neighbour and her daughter gave me a kiss which I thought was quite sweet.

I like cakes a lot but I don’t really like this one (not work friendly).

How do people get these weird ideas intheir head?

Two months after receiving my new Citibank credit card after some fraudulent transactions took place, I have found another £4,200 worth of holiday transactions charged to my account.

Don’t Citibank match the name and postcode when they allowcards to be charged? This is theonly credit card I have had problems with.

Since this has happened to me twice now in just as many months, I am assuming that it is somewhere I shop regularly.

The only place I can really think of is Shell Smallford where I top up with petrol.

Surely the amount of fraud they are subjected to is worthwhile investing a little money in their security? Or do they not care because they deduct the money from the company that does the transaction, who aren’t really at fault because they have no way of verifying with Citibank that the cardholder address matches the delivery address?

Three weeks after my surveyor visit, I have finally got my loft drawings back.

What’s that, 1.8m ceiling height for the bathroom? Surely that can’t be right. Mr Mean is 1.82m tall so when he is standing in the shower underneath the rain shower I am going to have fitted or having a shave at the sink, he will have to crouch down.

The guy who did the drawings did not meet me so he obviously could not have made the plans with me in mind. Perhaps he is quite small himself and does not think of such things.

Also 3.14m wide x 1.58m long is just wrong. You cannot have a long narrow bathroom, it will look weird! According to the council, I am allowed 53 cubic metres for permitted development so there is absolutely no reason why the loft company have only utilised 40 cubic metres and given me a small narrow bathroom when it could be much much bigger. I shall have to have words with their architect.

On Sunday my shower wouldn’t switch off as the on/off lever on the tap broke. I have had to switch off the water at the mains which means that if anyone wants to go to the toilet, wash their hands, use the washing machine etc then they have to switch the water mains (in the loft) back on and on comes the shower.

I called up the tap company as it is two years old and it came with five year warranty. They said they sent me out a new tap part by 1st class on Monday but four days later it is not here! So I called again and requested they send it by next day courier. They said they can’t, even if I pay, as the courier will loose it as the part is so small. Eventually I got them to send the part again by Special Delivery but it really was a chore.

This evening when I got home from work, there was a car “parked” outside my house. I say “parked” because it was more like just left in the middle of the road with a parking ticket on the front.

Mr owner of the GV05 BCE Toyota, what exactly were you thinking?! Obviously you were there for awhile as the parking attendant managed to give you a ticket without you spotting him and you left thirty min after I got home. Was there some kind of disaster and you had to abandon your vehicle? Are you the owner of Baker and Spice because if you are then you seriously need to go on a driving course as your van is parked like this far too often for my liking.

I came back from Cyrpus this morning to find that my naked neighbour has finally had enuogh of me and decided to put his house on the market. I also noticed that he trimmed my bush whilst I was away. Was I too demanding? Did he not like maintaining me?

Good luck to him. That price is a real bargain and I am sure it will be snapped up quickly just like the house five doors down which has been on the market for four months now, whereas one and a half years ago it sold within one week.

Perhaps even I could buy it? Then I could knock through the walls and make myself a nice large family house.

This morning Mr Mean took me to get laser hair removal on my moustache as he is tired with the amount of time I spend de-hairing myself. So off I went to the clinic which he has used before. It was 40 Euors for the facial area. The woman gave me some goggles and told me to lie back. Then I felt a very painful zap which I was not expecting at all as she started so quickly. Oh my god really hurt and I felt like my face was on fire. She did about 6 more zaps before I asked for a break as it hurt so much. After my 30 second break, she did 4 more zaps and that was it. It was all over in about 2 min.

I am suprised at how quick and painful it was at the time. But now 5 hours later there is no pain and my face is not red either which is good. Let’s hope it worked. I shall report back in a months time.

It’s 40′C here and just about hot enough to go into the sea. So Mr Mean took me to Larnaca for 2 hours at 6pm. The sea is suprisingly warm and hardly anyone here at all. The weather is just right for me so I took the opportunity for a little sunbathing and swim in the sea.

Mr Mean likes saying To The Sea! a lot because he plays Age of Empires every day and they say that a lot in there.

This afternoon, Mr Mean, his cousin and I went for a walk to Avakas Gorge. Having seen many postcards advertising this special place, I had been wanting to visit it for some time. It was very very beautiful although I did find it very scary walking under the great big rock as it is held in place by a series of small rocks so I had to run in case it fell on top of me. We also saw a few wild goats which were also quite scary as I thought they might attack us. Luckily they kept away from us and I think it’s because Mr Mean found this magic stick shaped like a duck which kept the bad spirits away from us.

This evening Mr Mean and I are going to Cyprus for his friends wedding. I went into the loft to get my suitcase and it was not there. So I asked Mr Mean what happened to my suitcase and he said he gave it to his brother a few weeks ago to take to Cyprus and he didn’t bring it back even though Mr Mean told him to.

Thanks for telling me.

So now I have no suitcase and need to go away for ten days. Luckily as I am so small all my clothes fit into my weekend bag but I am so angry that I spent all afternoon shouting at Mr Mean and Stu told me he wants a rent reduction because I shouted so much.

I am very very angry at Mr Mean. Had he told me two weeks ago then I could have borrowed a suitcase from elsewhere but no he only told me when I went to look for it.

This evening I went to see my naked neighbour so he could sign the party wall agreement for my loft conversion. He was a bit busy so I left him the document and he said he would bring it round later. Two hours later he came over and we had a small chat. He is selling up and leaving for the US in 4-5 months. His wife is due in two weeks. He had quite a few questions about the design of the loft and wants to see the architect drawings when I get them. I forgot to ask what he does for a living but he is home a lot so it can’t be that important. As he was leaving he insisted on trimming my bush tomorrow, even though it is not that overgrown. He is such a gentleman.

This evening at Zurich airport, I went through the security scanner. The buzzer sounded so the woman took me into the curtained off area and had a good feel of me. She said my bra was the issue. She didn’t ask me to take it off but to be honest, I was quite suprised as not once in 29 years of travelling on airplanes has my bra ever caused a security scanner to go off.

It was probably my metalic flower shoes or my necklace or my piercings. But not my bra.

I don’t know why I am attracting all these women all of a sudden.

Lindt chocolate is also very expensive in Switzerland. It’s much cheaper at Lidl.

This morning I went to the dentist for my annual check up and clean as he does not like me coming every six months. When I got there, his assistant (who is reasonably attractive) rubbed my arm, said she had not seen me for awhile and had some general chit chat.

Then I had my check up where she probed my mouth a bit with her utensil.

Then as I was leaving, she grabbed my arm and gave me a kiss on the cheek in front of the dentist.

I was not sure if this was inappropriate behaviour or not. But I am pretty sure that it’s not normal. And I am suprised she did it in front of the dentist.

I am not going to put in a sexual harrassment case unless she starts stalking me as she does have my address.  But I suppose that it is a little flattering that she found me attractive since none of the lesbians even looked at me when I went to Astoria a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago, the butler told me he was moving out as a friend of his was moving and they decided to move in together. I was quite sorry to see him leave as he was pretty easy to live with. I stuck an ad on gumtree, a few hours later someone came round and ten minutes later I have a new housemate. He seems ok. Uses his laptop and also goes away a lot. I like people that use their pc a lot, they tend to be very low maintenance.

Another day and I am now £3,740 lighter. The loft company let me pay on my credit card which means I get a further 2% cashback with my Citibank Shell Mastercard (which is coming in handy with these 1p daily fule price increases). I went to see my Turkish neighbour’s wife this evening as she wanted me to sign her mortgage papers and I asked her to sign my party wall agreement. She signed it straight away which I am really suprised about. I was expecting her to request a surveyor (which she is legally entitled to) given how much money she has spent on her house.

So now I just need to visit my naked neighbour which is going to be hard as he never seems to be in. His wife is also now heavily preganant so I hope they don’t cause me any objections to the work.

The Turkish neigbour’s wife also asked me a lot of questions about when I am getting married and going to have a family. I don’t like it when people asking me that as I never know the answer.

So this evening I was epilating my legs as the weather is quite warm at the moment and it has been over one month since I last did them. Lo and behold I found cellulite on m ankles! How did this happen?? I do so much walking and I take care not to eat too many pies. I honestly thought I would never becom one of those women with fat legs but look at me now! Mr Mean will not want me when he comes back from Cyprus. Need to go on a crash diet and not eat anything so I lose the weight fast.

Cellulite on ankles? I didn’t even think it was possible!

Last night C told me about a video called 2girls1cup. So I went to youtube and had a watch of it (yes, it’s work friendly). To be honest, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. It’s not particularly interesting nor did it turn me on. It’s just a series of photos with 2 women and various cups.

What’s that all about?

At least the BME video I sent him the link to had a bit more action (not work friendly).

Mr Mean needed a passport photo so he used my camera and asked to take a few test shots of me. So I duly obliged but having just got out of the shower, Mr Mean said not to worry and he will just take a photo of my face. Being trusting I believed him. Later on Stu came and asked to borror my camera so I gave it to him. Mr Mean quickly took it back and told me that there were naked photos of me on there. He quickly deleted them before giving the camera back to Stu. That is the last time I trust Mr Mean with a camera when I have no clothes on.

As I am getting my loft convereted soon, I need a new boiler as the existing is not good enough to cover the house as it is. Plus I have got another leak in that blasted lead pipe in the kitchen. I had a plumber come round a few weeks ago to “fix” the boiler which turned out to have low pressure. Since this guy didn’t charge me anything, I thought he seemed ok so I would invite him round for a quote.   He came round two weeks ago, didn’t write anything down, didn’t really look around the house. So I gave him my list of requirements and off he went to prepare a quote. One week ago he comes back round the house and tells me “£6,800 everything”. New boiler, new pipework, re-decorating. So I asked him to provide me a breakdown of the quote as I don’t know what “everything” is.  Three phone calls and sometime later, he sends me this:

Whole description:

1. Remove & dispose two old boilers                                                            £200
2. Power flush system as this would need to be carried out to                                                    validate the guarantee on the appliance                                                      £620
3. Run new water pipe from street                                                                 £580
4. Run new gas pipe to boiler                                                                        £280
5. Supply & fit new condensing combi boilernwith new flue, programmer,                                      filling loop and wireless room thermostate, connect two central heating                                             systems in one including pipe fittings                                                          £4420
6. Supply and fit new thermostate radiator values                                          £520
7. Test system- provide gas safety certificate upon completion works            £180
   

   ---

TOTAL                                                                                                  £6800

Please note conventional boiler  + hot water cylinder cost £180 more

/programer + diverted value/

Not quite the “everything” I had in mind.  I already have TRV’s fitted on my radiator so why does he want £520 to do this again? Is he having a laugh with me? Why did he feel the need to come round just to tell me the quote? Did he want to see the look on my face?
I called up another plumber from the Corgi website and he came round. He sent me a much more detailed quote but for £3,100.

I called up another plumber from the Corgi website and two missed appointments later, he still has not turned up so I have given up with him.

Why is it so difficult to find a decent plumber?

Also it looks like I cna’t have a combi as they can’t cope with large houses. This is a shame as I really hate hot water tanks. Not once have I ever lived somewhere where the hot water has not run out mid shower.

This evening we all went to my aunts house in Paddington for dinner. Ribeana was there and she has put on a considerable amount of weight these past few months.  Her arms and boobs got fat and she has lot the definition between her hips and waist and now looks like a typical English girl.  I asked Z why her mum got fat and Z said she has got a baby. I am pretty sure this is not true as Ribeana’s stomach hasn’t got that much bigger since I saw her two months ago.

I am also worried about Z as she is still up to my boobs and has not grown at all in the past six months. Ribeana needs to feed her more yoghurt and less pizza!

There is a guy at work who goes swimming once a week.  He has asked me a few times but either Flo has been visiting or I have been out of the office.

I told him today I need two days notice to shave my legs. He told me I should leave them hairy as he doesn’t care.  I said I don’t want people at the pool staring at me thinking I was a gorilla but another guy in the office said I should also not worry about shaving my legs and go hairy.

I was not aware that so many men like hairy women.  I think I will take them both up on their advice and go swimming with my hairy legs.

This evening I came home to find that someone/thing has been digging at my lemon tree which I left outside. It has also taken a great big crap and left it by the side. How nice of it. It is either the neighbours cat which does not seem to like me very much or that dog coming back to take another dump.#

On the plus side, my lemon tree seems to be doing well.  It looks as thought it is starting to grow quite a few new leaves. It obviously prefers it outisde than sat in my living room next to my computer.

This afternoon, Mr Mean and I were walking along the high street in Chartres and found a lovely little tea/coffee shop called Les Rois Mages. It has about 50 different types of fresh tea and coffee and a small area to sit down. It is very rare to find such a place with reasonable prices.  Mr Mean and I were so happy that we bought two packs of coffee, left a 50% tip and went back the next day for another cup and sit down.

Today Mr Mean and I set off very early at 5.30am. We caught the Sea France ferry to Calais then drove non stop to Lausanne. I am very impressed that we managed to drive 500 miles on one tank of petrol in my 1.0L Polo. I was not impressed that petrol is more expensive in France than the UK at 1.50 Euros, nor was I impressed at the 58 Euros of motorway toll charges we had to pay. 12 hours later and it’s time for bed. We are both wacked out and have an early start tomorrow at IMD.

This evening I attempted to take my aunt to my grandparents house using Mr Means car. Of course it broke down about half a mile away from Mr Means grandparents house, where my car was luckily located. As I broke down along a main road, I called the breakdown people. At first they said the cover had expired and they would call me back. I knew this was not true as I was sitting next to Mr Mean last week when he renwed it online. Then the guy called me back and said someone would be with me within two hours. 10 minutes later, a recovery man called me to say he was on his way. He attempted to tow me to Reigate which is where Mr Mean lived 8 years ago. I am not sure where they got this address from since Mr Mean did not put this address down and he did not even own a car when he was living there.

I got him to tow me to Mr Means grandparents house half a mile up the road. He said he could not take me to a garage as there were none open. So it looks as though we are taking my 1.0L car to France which does not have breakdown cover and the insurance people are shut and I cannot call them before we leave tomorrow at 5am as they do not open until 10am.

So today Mr Mean finally confirms that we are going to France on Sunday so he can look at two universities. As the usual last minute plan, I booked a ferry ticket with Sea France which was suprisingly cheap at £50, booked 8 different hotels with 1 night at each along different towns on the route and sorted it all out.

What would Mr Mean do without me. He is so disorganised.

Yesterday Mr Mean was complaining about how dirty I am because I pick cutlery off my clean kitchen floor and continue to use it if I drop it and I sweat a lot. So yesterday I decided to give the bath a scrub whilst I was taking my shower using some Cillit Bang. Then when I came out, I asked him to kiss me. He had the cheek to complain that I smelt of bleach and he refused to kiss me more.

He also threatened today to give me a good spanking when he was holding up a heavy shelf as I took awhile running around trying to find a screwdriver, which was not on my tool shelf where I left it last.

So he doesn’t like it when I am dirty and he also doesn’t like it when I am a good girl. So what does he want from me?

On Friday, I went out with some people from work and had a few Archers with lemondade.  I don’t know what is hapening to me, that is the third time this year that I have been out and consumed alcohol.  Normally I only drink once every 2-3 years.

Then last night I put on a tiny mini skirt age 9 from Next and went out to Astoria. If I were a lesbian then I would not recommend this place as I didn’t find any of the women there attractive.  None of them were wearing pretty dresses, make up, nice hair and stilleto’s which is what I like to see.  When I got home, I told the butler about my evening.  He seems to know a lot about the place considering he is “straight. Although he did have a new girl round last night. He seems to be quite lucky with the ladies as he brings home a new one every month.

Three days ago, Mr Mean’s friend emailed him to say he was having a birthday party tonight at a bar in town.  I had already made plans so I told Mr Mean I wasn’t going. But considering it was a birthday party, I don’t understand why the short notice since this guy knew thirty years ago that it would be his birthday on this day?

Then Mr Mean’s other friend from Cyprus texted him to say she is getting married on 22nd June and where to send the wedding invite to. Come on, people plan their wedding well in advance. Why only tell us one month beforehand when they know we have to buy flights? I feel like not going out of principal but as it is a good friend of Mr Mean’s, we have to go. But I will not be buying a new dress. Also this is the last of Mr Mean’s school friends to get married. Just him left now. As I will be thirty this year, the kind guy from work in the German office said he will give me a broomstick as it is customary for spinters to sweep the steps of the town hall on their birthday. How sweet of him to think of me.

This afternoon at work, I walked past that Turkish guy in the corridor at work but he didn’t speak to me and thankfully did not stare a lot either.  I told Mr Mean at home that today I saw that Turkish guy who is apparently hung like a donkey.

Then Mr Mean and I went to see What Happens In Vegas at the cinema, which was really funny and had me laughing in stitches. Ashton Kutcher is beautiful and far too good looking for Demi Moore.

Before we went to the cinema, we went to Waitrose to buy a sandwich and who was standing in front of me. Yes, it was the Turkish Donkey. I said hello and he said hello and said he recognised me from that evening out.  Mr Mean walked off before I had the chance to introduce him, although he did understand from my secret motions that I was talking to the donkey guy that we were speaking about earlier.

Later on Mr Mean said that he knows several people who are hung like a donkey but when it comes to getting it up, they don’t get any bigger.  So perhaps I shouldn’t be so scared of this Turkish guy after all?

Two months ago, Stu was offered a job at a bar paying £7.50/hour instead of the £5.50/hour minimum wage he was getting at the time. So he quit his job as the new bar wanted him to start one month ago. It was a new bar that was just opening and it got delayed so he eventually started last night with the last month being unpaid. But now he has decided that he doesn’t want to work in this new bar because it is too many hours so he is going back to his old minimum wage job.

At least the past month wasn’t a total waste. He did work for 30 minutes on an advert for an American Church as a member of the congregation and got paid $1,200 for that. Not bad money for 30 minutes work but he did not tell me what he had to do or which church it was.

Last night on Euronews I was watching a presentation about bar codes which the user scans with their mobile phone and their mobile phone reads out the product name to them.

Seems a bit complicated especially when the blind person would have to find and scan the tag in order to read out the name of the product.

Surely it would be better to have braille tags? I don’t know why supermarkets haven’t done this already, I see it all the time in lifts. Then again I can’t recall the last time I ever saw a blind person alone in a shop. How do they do their shopping? They can’t all have minders.

This evening just as I was sitting down with Mr Mean for a very early dinner as he is going out, the door bell rang. It was my naked neighbour offering to trim my bush again! He is quite a friendly chap and he said he hopes he is not imposing and sometimes he tends to go too far but I gave him permission to trim away and now my bush is neat and tidy too.

I shall take him a bottle of wine later as a thank you, he really is a nice guy (with a nice body too).

I guess it had to happen to me one day. I logged onto my Citibank credit card statement which gives me 3% off Shell petrol to find a £2,000 charge from Go Voyages.  It wasn’t me who bought an extravagant holiday in France so I immediatey called up Citibank who put a stop on my card and said they will send me a form to sign and they will investigate.

I do wonder in these situations if the person who booked the holiday will still get to travel or Go Voyages will act quick enough and cancel their ticket.

Perhaps it was Mr Mean booking a suprise trip with the second credit card I had added to my account? He has been hinting at a another trip to France recently, although he did deny that this trip was booked by him.

This evening I decided to use the sauna at the hotel in Bonn. What I was not expecting was to see a naked man lying there which was very off putting. I have never seen a naked man in a sauna before but luckily as the sauna was quite big and dark, it was easy to avoid eye contact with this guy. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to get naked too but I decided to leave my bikini on as I didn’t want to cause him offense as I was having a fat day yesterday from eating too much kebab on Sunday.

Mr Mean came back from a 2 week stay in Cyprus this morning. I came home from work at 5pm. He was hiding behind the door and jumped out and scared me when I came in.

He decided to have a nap so I went to cook him a lovely meal. He woke up just in time for dinner, gave me a “special cuddle” then at 8pm left for Birmingham where he is doing some contracting work for the very first company that he worked for after university subcontracting for the company he left just over one year ago in their Solihull office.

At least I got some of his delicious sausage this time.

Last night I went out for a guy from work’s leaving do.  There was a guy sitting at the end of the table about 5m away who spent pretty much the whole time staring at me.  I asked the guy who was leaving who this guy was and imagine my disgust when I found out he was Turkish!  It is a shame I was unable to bring Mr Mean with me as he left for Cyprus on Wednesday for two weeks.  He would have sorted this out and made sure that he didn’t stare at me again.

One month on from the faulty boiler, I have another plumbing disaster. After three visits from the plumber, many floorboards lifted and lots of plaster removed from the wall, we finally found the leaking pipe which was conveniently embedded in the kitchen ceiling.

So now I have a great big whole in my kitchen ceiling.  I think I am going to leave it for a bit.  This house really is a money pit.  Without fail each month, I have a plumbing disaster.  I should be asking Ribeana for a partial refund with the amount of money I have spent fixing the botched up plumbing in this place.

Today I asked Mr Mean why he wanted to buy a cow if he was getting the milk for free.  He replied that he wanted a piece of the beef too.

Isn’t that sweet?  I can tell that he really wants to be with me after that and that he is definitely the marrying kind.

Last night when the butler came home, he left a waft of cigarette smoke along his path.

Also last week he left a waft of either marijuana or cigar smoke, I cannot tell the difference.

I don’t think he smokes in his room as I can’t smell anything in the rest of the house as when it comes to fags, I have the nose of a hawk. Also I would hope he knows me well enough by now to know that I would kill him even if he thought about smoking in the house, let alone do it.

So the only conclusion I have is that he is a secret fag lover who does it in hiding.

Also onThursday night, Stu said he went to an illegal underground bar in Tottenham Court Road that was full of fags. He felt so dirty when he got home that he left all his clothes out in the garden overnight before putting them in the wash to get rid of the fag essence.

A jury on Wednesday sentenced a young father to 25 years in prison for severely burning his infant daughter when he put her in a microwave and turned it on for up to 20 seconds.

What kind of nut job puts their kid in the microwave?

A Tory councillor who suggested parents on benefits should be compulsorily sterilised has resigned.

Sounds like my kind of mp.  Why aren’t there more people like him? People shouldn’t be allowed kids unless they can support themselves.

Apparently, being an engineer isn’t a good career path to be on.

Apart from the lack of meeting desirable women, not so much for me since I am a misogynist and old people think I change lightbulbs for a living, apparently I am boring, stupid and monotonous.

What a way to classify such people.  Is it better to be from marketing and sprout crap out of your mouth all day long and have superficial friends?

I have been having a few insomnia issues this week and there happened to be a perfectly timed magazine article in my weekly Grazia about this.  It said that I should write down what I eat and do during the day and keep a log of my sleep to see if there are any patterns.

So I wrote down what I ate and how I slept.  Since I wrote down what I ate, I thought I may as well calculate the calories and it came to 1800.  Mr Mean said that is too much for my small body to process and I should cut down to 1500.  He also pinched three inches from my stomach and said that needs to go down to half an inch.

I feel so lucky that I have someone who cares about my body so much.  Not many girls have that in a relationship.

On the way home from work, I stopped off at Lidl because I had a chocolate craving and Mr Mean has eaten all my chocolate.  I bought two packs of chocolate biscuits, a pack of waffles, a pack of Cadbury’s Cream Eggs as they were on offer and a cucumber just so I can be a little bit healthy.

When I got home and Mr Mean saw me unpacking, he asked if I was trying to kill him because the biscuits and waffles are killers.  I can’t help if if he can’t control himself and eats the whole lot at once, which is more or less what he did with the rest of my chocolate stash.

Why is it so difficult for Mr Mean to control his eating habits?  Is it really that difficult to watch me eat a piece of chocolate and not insist on having some yourself?

This morning I had a meeting at work and the guy sitting opposite me spent pretty much the whole two hours staring and grinning at my boobs. I don’t really understand why since what I wore was not particularly revealing. I also noticed a few other people take more than a lingering look at me.

When I got home, I asked Mr Mean if there was anything appealing to look at and as usual his eyes focussed on the tv instead of me.

What can I do to bring back some of the magic to our relationship? Why does Mr Mean not find me attractive anymore? Am I really that hideous to look at?

Whilst Mr Mean is looking for work, I suggested he make a weekly deposit at a bank in order to earn a bit of money.

With Mr Means tall lean body, dashing good looks and supeior inteligence, I am sure he would be a popular choice for all the ladies out there with husbands shooting blanks.

Having looked into it in more detail, I am disappointed in the new laws which remove anonyminity.

Do I really want Mr Means child not born from me knocking on the door in 16 years? Somehow I don’t think the £5 per job is worth all that wondering of when his kid will turn up.

My naked female neighbour in the house across my garden appears to have moved out on the weekend.  She has been replaced by an older balding larger gentleman who never closes his curtains.  I see him watching tv late at night and I see him sitting at his computer each morning at 6.45am whilst I am getting dressed for work.

I have not yet seen this one naked.  And I hope not to anytime soon.

Also I think my Turkish neighbours wife is stalking me.  Yesterday morning I was scraping ice off my car then got in.  She came out the house and waved at me then went back in.  Then this morning as I left for work she was standing in her garden and asked me if it’s ok if she puts some recycling in my bin as she doesn’t have a recycling bin.   I said of course then she walked back into her house.

It has been three months after Mr Mean has moved in and things are no longer going so well.

Having finally moved out of the boiler room on Sunday, yesterday I offered myself to him but he turned me down as there was a movie he wanted to watch on tv.

Today I undressed and asked that he look at my naked form. I asked if he would prefer a mule and he responded by putting the tv and his headphones on.

Sure I have put on a little weight on recently, as has he, but I would hardly call my new dress size 8 obese.

Perhaps the guys at work are right for calling me fat and a man and Mr Mean is all I deserve?